Relationship Advice: Cuffin' Season is almost Over

Spring is right around the corner.  You've been cuffing someone all Winter, that you wouldn't dare be caught with in the Summer!  It's time for a new relationship, let me put you up on game...

I’m jive tired of hearing everyone complain about the lack of options when it comes to dating.  Everybody has standards, but it seems like the people with the highest standards, don’t meet the lowest of standards.  It’s not as serious as you want to believe, we make things more difficult than we have to by thinking too much.  As long as the person your attracted to takes regular showers, has a job, and isn’t in any type of sex crimes database, you can probably make things work.  So, with that being said, we all make mistakes but let me give you a list of mistakes to avoid so that you won’t end up watching Pornhub for the rest of your natural life.

* Shut up about your ex or first love.  Please spare me.  If it’s over, it’s over.  MOVE ON.

* If you’re a single parent, shut up about your baby mama/daddy.  Oh, and please stop smashing them.  You aren’t together anymore for a reason, and if the sex was that good, you would’ve gotten married.

* Shut up about people being scared of commitment.  People can commit to the ice bucket challenge and to sports teams or TV shows (shout out to the sexy ladies who are Scandal fans!).  There’s even dudes who wear ripped underwear because they think it’s lucky.  Point is, people commit to what they want to commit to. If  it’s not you, deal with it and get on with life.

* No one is perfect.  Are you perfect?  If you are, then you would have a million things better to do than read this.  Enough said.  Relationships are not about being perfect because no human being is.

* If you date someone with kids, understand that at some point you will have to deal with bedtime stories, the flu, and Chuck E. Cheese’s.  Shut up and eat the nasty-ass pizza or move on to someone who doesn’t have kids! 

* Know that sex does not equal love or even a relationship.  The only things sex results in are orgasms, (if you’re lucky) and maybe a baby.  Not to mention a wild variety of STI’s, but that’s another topic.

* Understand that if someone says they are not interested in dating you exclusively, they mean it.  Don’t fucking expect it.  “I don’t want to be in a relationship” always means just that.

* And finally, chill out and enjoy yourself.  Don’t be in a relationship that doesn’t put a smile on your face.  Everyone has their ups and downs, but you must still enjoy and have respect and admiration for one another or the time spent is useless!

My delivery is meant to be lighthearted, so don’t be offended, but do take heed to this list.  Although no one has the absolute recipe for a perfect relationship, there are certain things that will land you in a state of complete and utter fuckdom.  Let’s all agree to do better. 

By the way, I think its only fair to warn you that I very rarely take my own advice.  What that means is, if by any chance you were willing to listen to anything I just said; you’re already fucked beyond repair.  Have a blessed day and be great.